Sunday, 26 April 2015

Bus Muse | Theland E. Thomas

My responsibilities hang from my shoulders, a heavy cape that trips me with every step. This week, I have four essays and a test. Better study up. Better schedule my time. What day for what essay? What if it takes longer than I thought? Don’t forget you have work today. And when you’re at work, that needs to be the biggest thing in your life. These sales goals the most important we’ve ever had. We need to perform this month. We have to hit our goals. These goals are important to me to because I can get a small bonus even though I’m already being paid, and don’t I want that bonus on the end of the string? Who doesn’t want a little extra cash in their pockets? And we have to pass our audit. My bosses scream: NO MISTAKES! NO HUMANS! You will fail if you are a human. Are you mad? Didn’t you know this was the name of the game all along?
Yes, I want that dream on a string. That’s why I work so hard. For the dream. I want to work my way up the hamster wheel and earn enough money to live comfortably and get it all together and make my mommy proud.  We came from a third world country, and now we’re Americans. An opportunity some people only dream of. Wouldn’t want to squander that. My mommy wants me to make something of myself. Make her hard work worth something. I don’t want her life to be a waste, do I? Better not waste mine.
I don’t have time for a relationship. I’m too busy working on getting it all together so I can make a better life for my wife and kids. I don’t have room for love. I take all of my emotions, and I squeeze them into a chest. And I lock the chest in my chest and ignore it as it threatens to burst open and ruin me. Better keep it on lock. You don’t want anyone seeing what’s inside. Better to be a functioning member of society. Better to be the helpful, smiling face. Better to be a successful businessman. Better to play the role. My bosses scream: NO EMOTIONS! NO HUMANS!
Right now, I’m a student and a banker, but soon I’ll be a lawyer, and then everything will be better, and I’ll start loving life. After I get everything I want, I’ll start loving life. Until then, it’s back to the grindstone. Until then, I will continue to forget my needs. I will continue to ignore that pesky necessity of sleep. I will continue to chase the prize at the end of the string. I will continue to hustle. From one place to another. I will never sleep and never wake up. I sip the coffee. My bosses scream:  NO SLEEP! NO HUMANS!

Be efficient. Be effective. Be intelligent. Be persuasive. Be successful. Be marketable. Pull my strings. Rip out my heart. Cull my emotions. Erase my personality. Mechanize my body. Lobotomize my brain. I scream along: NO HUMANS!

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