I see a beautiful girl as I step off the train car. She has flowing, brown hair and soft, dark eyes, and she smiles at something on the screen of her phone.
I take a step.
I wonder if she would go for me. Or if she would go for that guy in front of me? What do girls even like? Buff guys? Even if I become buff and toned, I’ll never be a hulking hunk. Not that it matters. I could just hop back on the train...
I take a step.
Suddenly, the idea overtakes me. I alter my course and push the button to reopen the train doors. They yield to me with a hiss, and I step back in. My heart pounds in my ears. It’s OK. Be calm. Fear is only the feeling you get when you’re about to cross a threshold. Well, that’s what I tell myself.
I take a step.
Why am I doing this? Because I’m so lonely? Because I have a lot of love to give? Can I handle this?
I slide into the seat across from her. Her big, brown eyes catch mine, and she offers a smile. I try to reciprocate, but I know from experience that the corners of my lips have barely budged. That I look like I’d rather not be communicating with another human. I feign a glance across the car - a thinly veiled opportunity to give her a once-over. Knee length floral skirt, legs crossed, earbuds in, empty train car, she may be wondering why I chose this seat.
Well, I should probably do this. The shuttering of the light rail fades as blood rushes to my head and limbs. My heart thuds. OK. This is it. Just- c’mon, it’s not that bad. But don’t be awkward.
“Um…” I start with a slight hand motion toward her, palm up.
She glances up, eyebrows raised and with that smile again. Is she one of those naturally nice and friendly people? They’re fascinating.
“...Hi.”
She pulls one white bud out of her ear, and her hand hovers near her chin. “Hi,” she says.
I gulp. My face is burning. Now conversate! Small talk! “Sorry to interrupt your tunes there…”
I trail off. My mind is blank. I literally can’t think of what to say next, so I just introduce myself and extend my hand. What is this, a business meeting?
She leans forward to shake my hand, uncrossing her legs and tucking them beneath the seat. “Nice to meet you. I’m Chloe.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say. I love that name. It just sounds pleasant. Suddenly, I’m encouraged. Maybe it’s the adrenaline pumping through my veins. “Well, I was - um… just wanting to see if...uh,” Oh, my God. “Do you want to go out with me... sometime?” I glance up at her.
I glance away. Images flit past the window, a slideshow of human life. Now, whatever happens happens. My stomach is twisted in knots, and my throat is parched, and my toes are clenched in my shoes. Should I have done this differently? How do people normally do this? I know nothing's like it is in movies, but I didn’t expect this to be so real.
I look at Chloe. She’s staring right at me with a smirk on her face. “Sure. Why not?”
I remember to breathe. Now I’m smiling too - a real one this time. An unquenchable ear-to-ear grin. “Cool!”
The tracks squeal as the conductor brakes. We quickly exchange numbers, and I stand to up to exit, saying, “I’ll see you soon.”
I’m walking, and I take one last look at the beautiful girl - her flowing, dark hair, her soft eyes, and her sweet smile.
And I take another step as the train pulls off, carrying away the girl and the daydream.
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